I've been a lot of places (mentally and emotionally) in the past and I've come along way. I celebrate openness and communication particularly towards mental health, sexuality, equality and spirituality. And animals are adorable...
Last night I went on a date with a girl, we’ll call her Em. It wasn’t too much of a date because we didn’t actually leave the house, but it was amazing.
She kissed me :) She touched me and held me and made me feel beautiful.
I adore her, I don’t want her to move back home… I still have loads of questions (what does this mean? Am I gay? Etc etc) but for now I am just going to enjoy my time with her, kiss her beautiful lips and hold her perfect hands.
I’ve dated a lot, had lots of boyfriends, always liked guys… I’ve also kissed girls, I find girls attractive, but I never thought about dating girls.
I have a huge effing crush on this intelligent, complicated, gorgeous girl. It’s amazing, she makes me feel amazing. She asked me out :) We are gonna go look at the stars tomorrow night.
Crazy how fluid sexuality can be.
Confused… Not knowing what I want, but knowing what I want, but not knowing if it’s okay to want what I want.
Hoping… That what I want is okay to want, that I’m wanted too.
Relationships are weird. People surprise me sometimes, come out of nowhere and say, hey look at me! I’m awesome and you had no idea you were even looking for me!
Relationships are weird. Friendships are weird. In my life where sexuality appears to be so fluid, how do you tell where someone’s friendly behavior is hoping for more? How do you tell when you’re not sure of your own intentions?
what do I do?
I’m in a relationship, and I really care about him, but some days I wonder if he gives a rat’s ass about me.
I could talk for an hour about something really important to me and at the end of it I’m lucky if I get an ‘okay.’ I don’t get anything in return. I want more. I deserve more.
And when I talk to him about how I feel he clearly has something to say, is usually exasperated by my incessant need to talk or change things, but never says anything. Just says ‘okay.’
How is this supposed to work, how are we supposed to build a future together when, from what I see and what he talks about, he doesn’t think beyond today?